dilemma: to write or don't write
should i write or not. should i spend these time writing or spend it on something more meaningful such as spending quality time with others. should i let others know my thoughts through interactions instead of merely reading. i am stuck in a moment. i am confused.
* join CYF for the right reasons * these were the very words that stuck me at the CYF night. it was very thought-provoking. i was thinking deeply. don't tell me i had the wrong mindset from the very start. Now, i know what is hindering me from interacting with the opposite sex that freely. because i am always thinking about whether do the opposite sex have good opinions about me or not. how shallow can i be. CYF is not a place to develop a boy-girl relationship, but to develop a bond bewteen god, I and the people around me which will last. i am beginning to truely understand that by loving someone can take many forms. it doesn't necessarily mean having a intimate relationship with a girl, but on the contrary, it means caring for that person's welfare, to look out for him/her, to be by that person's side in times of need, or simply, by being a true friend. i feel that cyf can enlarge my circle of friends, and to make me feel loved. thus i don't want to complicate matters and make people hate me as a result of my inmature actions or behaviours.
i just want every thing to stay the same. at best, i hope to befriend every single cyf member at a level whereby i can truely understand them and that i can be of a friend to them with ease. I don't want cold wars or shoulders to take place.
* Lord, please grant me the strength to put away my pride and to be humble like you, and never to judge a person without getting to know that person well enough *
maybe you might not understand what i am writing about because i am not really good at writing. but i can only try my best to put down my feelings down.
when i didn't get a song to sing during the band practice, i was feeling rather down. i felt like i didn't have a part to play. Seriously, i think it was because of the fact that i wanted to be in the limelight. i wanted to enjoy the feeling whereby people will cheer me on. although i was enjoying every single piece of song the band had played, but deep down, i wanted to sing. to be able to sing infront of the cheering crowd. humbliness did not cross my mind. doing it for god's glory did not either. all i was thinking about was to be the star. that's why i was a little anti-social during the band practice. for those people that saw me singing at the back, now you probably know the reason why i was singing alone. to be honest, i was thinking in my heart why didn't the rest choose me to sing. now, you guys probably hate me even more.
but surprisingly, god sure does miracles. Upon reaching the church's kitchen with the chicken wings, i asked aileen whether if help was needed. i think god helped me to open up a bit. then things started to pick up by itself, i was helping up with the F&B team. i felt a sense of worth and satisfaction. i felt as though god was working through me. i just went around helping others( sorry, i am not bragging). Most important, i felt happy being a part of the whole cyf night. I think it was God who was behind all this. from feeling empty to feeling a sense of wholeness, only god can create such a change. along the way, there were also many people who gave me lots of encouragement. For every smile i got back in return, it motivated me to be ever more of service to others. The food was good, the music was fantastic, the company was awesome. ONLY god would have made all these possible.
for all those people who made the night possible, i have one word to say, * THANKS *. Though not much words have been said, but i bet we have that mutual understanding bewteen us all. it's all in the heart. yup. hope to see more of these events to come by.
hahaha, quess what? i am feeling much better after writing all these down. maybe having this journal is not so bad after all. who knows?
God bless.
Love you all.(love takes many form, *smile*)
love, ben
-beginning to open up-
* join CYF for the right reasons * these were the very words that stuck me at the CYF night. it was very thought-provoking. i was thinking deeply. don't tell me i had the wrong mindset from the very start. Now, i know what is hindering me from interacting with the opposite sex that freely. because i am always thinking about whether do the opposite sex have good opinions about me or not. how shallow can i be. CYF is not a place to develop a boy-girl relationship, but to develop a bond bewteen god, I and the people around me which will last. i am beginning to truely understand that by loving someone can take many forms. it doesn't necessarily mean having a intimate relationship with a girl, but on the contrary, it means caring for that person's welfare, to look out for him/her, to be by that person's side in times of need, or simply, by being a true friend. i feel that cyf can enlarge my circle of friends, and to make me feel loved. thus i don't want to complicate matters and make people hate me as a result of my inmature actions or behaviours.
i just want every thing to stay the same. at best, i hope to befriend every single cyf member at a level whereby i can truely understand them and that i can be of a friend to them with ease. I don't want cold wars or shoulders to take place.
* Lord, please grant me the strength to put away my pride and to be humble like you, and never to judge a person without getting to know that person well enough *
maybe you might not understand what i am writing about because i am not really good at writing. but i can only try my best to put down my feelings down.
when i didn't get a song to sing during the band practice, i was feeling rather down. i felt like i didn't have a part to play. Seriously, i think it was because of the fact that i wanted to be in the limelight. i wanted to enjoy the feeling whereby people will cheer me on. although i was enjoying every single piece of song the band had played, but deep down, i wanted to sing. to be able to sing infront of the cheering crowd. humbliness did not cross my mind. doing it for god's glory did not either. all i was thinking about was to be the star. that's why i was a little anti-social during the band practice. for those people that saw me singing at the back, now you probably know the reason why i was singing alone. to be honest, i was thinking in my heart why didn't the rest choose me to sing. now, you guys probably hate me even more.
but surprisingly, god sure does miracles. Upon reaching the church's kitchen with the chicken wings, i asked aileen whether if help was needed. i think god helped me to open up a bit. then things started to pick up by itself, i was helping up with the F&B team. i felt a sense of worth and satisfaction. i felt as though god was working through me. i just went around helping others( sorry, i am not bragging). Most important, i felt happy being a part of the whole cyf night. I think it was God who was behind all this. from feeling empty to feeling a sense of wholeness, only god can create such a change. along the way, there were also many people who gave me lots of encouragement. For every smile i got back in return, it motivated me to be ever more of service to others. The food was good, the music was fantastic, the company was awesome. ONLY god would have made all these possible.
for all those people who made the night possible, i have one word to say, * THANKS *. Though not much words have been said, but i bet we have that mutual understanding bewteen us all. it's all in the heart. yup. hope to see more of these events to come by.
hahaha, quess what? i am feeling much better after writing all these down. maybe having this journal is not so bad after all. who knows?
God bless.
Love you all.(love takes many form, *smile*)
love, ben
-beginning to open up-
